I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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