you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Someone signed my nipple.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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