I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
