don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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