shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
