I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
