At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
