Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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