Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize