I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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