Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
