I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
