I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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