Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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