If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
