They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
