I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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