I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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