I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
