You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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