Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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