please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
