I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
