when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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