I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't notice because vodka
We were destined to go to rehab together
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
