I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
