I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
