Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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