let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
