Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize