I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
