If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
