Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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