Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
