I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize