your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
