Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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