are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
