If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
