Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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