i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
