I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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