Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
