As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
