i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
