do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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