I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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