I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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