I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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