Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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