Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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