you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
