We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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