she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need to calm my uterus...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
