i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
