I cockslap morals
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
