I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
4 words: hood of his car
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you win again, gameday.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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