There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
