he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
