I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
