we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
