my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
