my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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