What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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