He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
