I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just want nice things and good sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
