Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
