It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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