My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
