if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
