I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
