ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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