I wanna bring you to show and tell
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
