is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
