I got chris browned last night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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