no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize