and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
