Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
