You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
