if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
